she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
