there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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