So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
