but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
