Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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