you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
