I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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