A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
