the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
