Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
