my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
