Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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