he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
