I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
