What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
