Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the day after is always just damage control
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
