I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize