His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
