I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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