Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
