is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
