how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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