tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
