he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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