some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
