hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
