Midget sex pt 2 tonight
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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