So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
