i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
