she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
