My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
