She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize