I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
