If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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