Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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