He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
