so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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