It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
