I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
