four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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