hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
