Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
