Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
