So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the day after is always just damage control
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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