As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
