God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
