dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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