what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
