my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
