I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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