somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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