Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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