Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
