Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
