I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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