ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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