Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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