Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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