we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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