Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
