I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
