upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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