You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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