you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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