you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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