i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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