i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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