You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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