I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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