He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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