we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
