We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
