Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
