happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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