I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
