I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
